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An Early Experiment

May 5, 1959

Final Evaluation by the Subject, August 11, 1959

Dose: 100 micrograms LSD

The Subject: High School Art Teacher

The flesh was pulled back and a jewel was exposed -- it had many facets and was covered with blood and was firmly grounded or rooted in the center of my body.

A bright golden light shown down from the left, the source was hidden out the light was bright and it struck the jewel. The jewel was topaz and each facet was illuminated and made the whole inside feel warm and good, the jewel seemed to come alive.

The flesh was myself and the jewel was part of the God in me, it's roots were the part of me which has come through the evolutionary process, it was alive but not illuminated. The light was God and when the jewel was struck by the light it was born or began to live a conscious life. I was unable to tell who or how the flesh was opened.

I felt that I must do battle, a battle with an angel, a Golden Angel. I knew before hand I would not win and yet I felt I must battle to the death. I liked the idea of the battle.

There was also a spider and an angel (at first the angel was black).

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The jewel it the core or essence of a person.

The blood and tissue the conditioning.

The pulsating and the roots were the evolution or the humanness of life and the person -- his basic, physical self.

The light from without was God, the source, life. The idea that it came from the left is symbolic of my unfulfilled part and need -- the feminine.

The jewel becoming alive is the symbol of fulfillment and unity with the source, the completion of the essence of the person.

The fight with the dark angel was symbolic of my fight with myself. I could not admit that I opened the wound and exposed myself to Gods light. Because of early guilt feelings I did not feel I was worthy, I was too bad. As soon as I realized I could expose myself to the light I knew there was no fight. Then the angel became Golden -- the other side of myself.

From the experience I realized that the Will is the thing.

One must have a strong will.

We are able to be filled with Gods light.

The jewel or light within will survive but only really live and glow when God illuminates it.

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As a result of this session I feel I got a real sense of God being within and a strong desire to unite with it. I feel more and more that I have a purpose and can go to God. I do not have to feel guilty because of the past. I am more and more able to be myself and know my reasons for responding the way I do -- I don't feel I am pushed around by unconscious motivation.